Things I’m Afraid to Tell You
15 Tuesday May 2012
I first found out about Jess’s Things I’m Afraid To Tell You post (and #2 and #3) that inspired Ez to ask others to join after reading Erin’s post. After that I spent a majority of my day falling in mutual-respect-love with many bloggers, as always because I love honesty and ugly human emotions. Having a few things that were eating away at me I decided to share some of my “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You,” and maybe you’ll be inspired to share some of your own.
One: I’m waiting to see if I got into SCAD (the school of my dreams) for grad school but I don’t have a concrete idea of what I will do if I don’t get in. It’s certainly a possibility and I’d be incredibly disappointed. Then I’d have to figure out my next step, which is something I don’t want to think about. Especially because I don’t see myself living in Washington anymore. But that bridge will be burned when the letter comes. I truly believe that going to SCAD for grad school would be the best thing for me, personally and professionally. Let’s just say that I have stalked this school for more than a couple of years and it’s exactly what I want.
Two: On the other hand what will I do if I do get in? I’m almost as scared about getting my acceptance letter as I am about getting a rejection letter. I love my home life (life with Dan) but he’s not coming with me so that’s going to really suck (understatement). I’m worrying about things I can’t do anything about yet. How will I pay for everything or even get by? How can I keep up Style & Cheek if I need to work two jobs and go to school? What if I hate Savannah but like the school? What if I hate the school but like Savannah? What if what if what if?
Three: I wish I could devote more time to the blog. But I have a full-time job and another part-time job and there’s just not enough time for everything. I don’t think it’s too much, but sometimes I would rather be doing the blog thing than anything else. To the point where it annoys Dan because I just want to work all the time – even if it’s midnight and my eyes are drying up or it’s the weekend and haven’t liked the first twenty pictures he took of my hair/outfit/etc.
Four: Emotionally I feel like it’s really difficult for me to connect with people. The idea of going to blog meetups scares the crap out of me. I haven’t been to one yet but the idea gives me anxiety. I have a really sick sense of humor but a lot of time people just don’t get me (even my best friend Simon doesn’t think I’m funny – probably because I won’t make him sandwiches). I want to go out and be myself and still connect with people but then I freak out and think – shit, what do I say?
Five: I don’t have a lot of clothes. If you saw me at work you wouldn’t think I have a style blog. But I do. I cannot afford the things I want and at work I wear what’s most comfortable to stay under the radar. I can see the judgment in people’s eyes when I talk to them about my blog and half the time it wears on me and other times I smile inside. It’s part of what drives me, the realization that one day I will be a successful something-something and it will be from my own doing.
Six: I’m insanely protective of my love life. There are a few irrational reasons why people would like to see Dan and I break up, but it’s not going to happen. We’re constantly met with mild contempt because our relationship is only seen at a distance. Multiple people have tried to tear us apart and even more people have voiced their negative opinions. All this resistance has given me a massive chip on my shoulder. But screw it. We’re disgustingly honest with each other and I cherish it. Haters gonna hate. We make our own decisions and we choose to stay together.
I got my “secrets” out there now it’s your turn. What would you like to say that you usually wouldn’t? Leave a comment with a link to your “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.” I’d love to read it.
Here is a list of the many wonderful bloggers that are opening up: