I lack patience. It’s not a positive thing to admit but really, I suck at waiting. When I got back from Savannah I was very excited about the prospects of this “new life” I was supposed to jump right into. And it was just nice to be home, where I was met with an amazing amount of encouragement and positive vibes from friends/family/readers. It felt very much like everything was going to work out. And even though I still ultimately believe that everything is going to work out, there are days that aren’t so sunny or remotely close to positive.
A week or so ago I had two interviews scheduled the same day – first with a recruiter and later with a company about an internship opportunity. I was pumped and ready to absolutely kill it. Meeting with the recruiter was a very good experience and I left their office feeling optimistic. Then, only an hour before I was supposed to be there, my interview for the internship was cancelled, and the in-person interview was changed to a phone interview. Then the phone interview was changed to a different day… and then there were crickets – they never called me, though I did call them and email them. During all of this, I was contacted by my recruiter for Microsoft asking if I wanted my contract back (yes, the one I thought I couldn’t get back because I quit to go to grad school) and I said, “well yeah, of course. I didn’t want to quit in the first place.” The contract ends at the end of the year but in my head I thought, “ok, I’ll get my contract back and get the internship and things will be gravy.” I was supposed to start back at Microsoft last week and due to paperwork/complications I’ve had to wait. And I suck at waiting.
With everything going on and not going on in the last month I’ve become one big ball of stress. I didn’t hear back about the internship and was disappointed, Microsoft still hadn’t gotten back to me about my start date which increased my money stress. Last week, I tried to make a makeup tutorial for my friend Anne but due to the length of the video it was unusable. I had a meltdown. It was at the point where I just didn’t know what to do anymore. Do I go back to Microsoft and keep looking closer to the end of my contract? Do I even know what I want to do anymore? What am I supposed to do with my life? People tell me I can do it but what exactly is the “it” that I can do? Basically I was having a major pity party. And what did my selfish stressed out self do? I ruined Dan’s birthday. He’d been so wrapped up trying to find a solution to my stress that when I had my meltdown it brought him right down into Lowville with me. Shitty girlfriend status right here. The day was unfixable because of my badittude, though we did attempt to go out and have a “birthday date,” so I am waiting to make good on that one. Dan’s shining quality? Patience.
I’m incredibly thankful that I’m getting my job back. I just wish there was more security. My contract ends at the end of the year and I have to take a mandatory 100 days off. People either go on unemployment and start a new contract after their 100 days or they find a new job. You’re told right off the bat that promotions are incredibly rare (maybe 1 in 200). You’re there to work on a project and that’s pretty much it. This is great for a recent college graduate but not so great for someone looking to move up the ranks. In fact, it’s kinda scary not knowing where you’ll be at the end of your contract. The awesome thing about working a contract for Microsoft is that I was able to have my full time job with Microsoft, a part-time job editing high school papers and work on Style and Cheek. Plus, it’s strange how “at home” I feel in the office. After working so many late nights to get overtime pay or on the weekends when no one else was in the office it became a very comfortable space.
Now I’m in a very uncomfortable place. I’m used to being employed and I’ve always had a job. I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself because being unemployed is freaking me out; it feels wrong. However, I know that if I am patient then it will pay off and things don’t need to be fixed overnight. That’s not how it works. But knowing is only half the battle. I’m so crazy right now that looking at pics from old jobs is making me nostalgic. Check out these beauties:
Catering a wedding – My hair probably smelled like food but that’s not a good thing…
Working at Starbucks during high school. I loved this crew!
Kate and I working a Members Only event for Alexandria Nicole Cellars. Hustlin’ = Shiny foreheads.
Dan and I met during my first contract with Microsoft. Bing – Bringing people together.
No showering until all these papers are finished!