Before firing up the DVR to watch this week’s Pretty Little Liars I decided I wanted to catch the last 2 minutes of the Arizona-Stanford college basketball game. There are way too many timeouts in college basketball – the last 2 minutes lasted 12 real minutes, but it’s all good because it gave Julia more time to read about Meyers-Briggs personality types. Apparently I’m evil. Arizona wins. Nick Johnson of Arizona is good and kinda sorta looks like Travis from Pretty Little Liars.
Aria and Emily somehow had time to go to a movie. Aria comes home to her brother Mike throwing a party. There is pizza and video games and people awkwardly making out on a table in the middle of the room. Oh look, Mike invited Mona to the party.
Spencer calls Hanna who is reading Along Came a Spider by James Patterson in lieu of throwing herself at Travis. Hanna wasn’t invited to the movie because of Emily’s rage against Spencer. This is ok with Spencer, who shows off the zoom ability of her Windows phone on the pics she took of Alison’s now-stolen-journal.
In search of more pulpy crime fiction Hanna runs into the cop who was also in Never Back Down (best remembered for Djimon Hounsou’s zen). He recommends Swedish meatballs and apologizes for arresting Hanna’s mom. He peaces out by handing Hanna a book ‘she won’t regret’…ok out-of-my-ass-theory #1: Never Back Down dude works with A and whatever this weird book is, it has some clues as to what is about to happen or did happen.
Aria spazzes on Mona after catching Mona getting touchy-feely with her brother. Nice job Mikey?? Spencer runs into some guy at the copy machine and Julia goes, “oh good he’s back!” Who is back? “Glasses guy.” He’s not wearing glasses here though, which somehow makes him look more dufusey than I remember. Spencer seems to like this guy who has basically the opposite disposition from EmoToby, ie not whiny or annoying.
Hanna always reads the last two pages of books first. Overrated tactic. No wonder she gets shitty grades. Still not backing down (hehe…get it?) Sean Ferris, PD, also happens to be at the Brew. He says he’s not into giving spoilers, though he drops some knowledge about how dental records are always the key to any mystery. Out-of-my-ass-theory #1 is looking good!
Glasses dude, who is still not wearing glasses, is helping Spencer study physics. He seems nice. Spencer drops some horse-penis innuendo, which of course is an excellent studying technique. But Spencer doesn’t want to study, she wants Adderall. Glasses dude is disappointed but not surprised. Way to make a boy feel cheap, Spencer!
Like everything else on this show Adderall induces hallucinations of Alison. Spencer is piecing together an entry in Alison’s journal about a meal Alison had with an unknown date, who drank beer and ate boysenberry pie. Spencer goes to ask Hanna if she’ll come to the pub with her the next day. Hanna says hell no, she’s not wearing underpants currently and tomorrow she’s going to the dentist to find out how Ali’s dental records were forged.
Ezra is at the pub eating pie when Spencer walks in. Boysenberry, the same pie Alison’s date was eating. He says “maybe it’s blackberry.” Nice save Ezra. If Ezra is A and has Alison’s journal you’d think he’d be smart enough to assume that the girls had read enough of it to have found out about the pub, and then stayed away.
Ezra’s waitress decides to give Spencer the beer that Ezra already paid for before he left. Spencer’s Alison hallucination continues this time with Ezra playing the part as the date. The beer the waitress has brought over is called BOARD SHORTS ALE! ZOMG so Ezra might be Board-Shorts, if indeed it really was Ezra that Alison was on a date with at the pub and describing in her journal. But can Ezra be Board-Shorts AND A? Has that even been considered that A and Board-Shorts could be the same person?
At the dentist office, Hanna dodges a filling to sneak into the file closet. She finds a patient sign-in sheet from one of Alison’s last visits. When Hanna emerges from the closet to resume her checkup she’s immediately gassed (and thankfully silenced) by an unseen person in a dentist’s getup. Hanna wakes up to blood on her mouth and the patient manifest missing from her purse. A apparently performed some light oral surgery. Impressive.
Late at night, still at school, Emily is working on some project for Ezra that her dad set up for her, to you know, help her get back on track after spending too much time with Alison’s mom. The PA crackles and some heavy metal starts blasting. Emily runs down the hall as the sign in the hall tells her to “Act Normal, Bitch!” Rude. Emily’s dad scales the face of the school to rescue her from a classroom. When they get back to the ground he collapses as a hooded figure looks on from the window above. These chicks need to start carrying guns.
Nearly both on the verge of tears Emily and Spencer sorta make up at Aria’s. Emily’s dad has a heart condition, so I guess A or whoever that was did not actually put him the hospital. Hanna arrives just in time to tell them all about her day. The girls take turns calling A “monster” and “animal” and “beastly beast of a beast.” Ok, I made that last one up. Hanna begs the girls to look inside her mouth. Giggity. Spencer pulls out a tiny piece of paper that read “I told you. Dead girls can’t smile. Stop Looking. – A”