So Julia found a MBTI personality chart “Which Pretty Little Liars Character are You?” and guess which character I am? Alison. Julia got Aria. We’re Ezra’s underage ladies! If that’s not a sign of a strong relationship then I don’t know what is! ANYWAY, when we left these girls last week Emily’s dad was collapsing, Ezra was drinking Board Shorts Ale, Hanna got a root canal from A, and Spencer was poppin Viagra to help turn EmoToby’s frown upside down. This episode’s preview promised us a Spencer-Ezra showdown, which is actually kind of exciting.
The episode opens with Alison talking to Shauna on the phone. Alison is in a phone booth outside what looks like a shady motel. Shauna is at the Brew and wraps up the call just as the girls walk in. Do phone booths even exist anymore? Dear tv-writers, stop using phone booths and phone books and land-lines as plot devices. The liars wonder to themselves if they can trust Shauna, Aria makes some joke about using one of her fingers, but “not the nice one.” Um ok moving on.
I did not realize “the Brew” is actually “the Rear Window Brew.” Ambitious reference! But there is not nearly enough eating or food related conversation on this show. Spencer suspects that Ezra is A and is doing a terrible job of covering it up in front of the other girls. Since Hanna is still freaking out about her dental visit the girls decide to heed A’s warning and not try to track him/her/it down.
Cut to Spencer gearing up to AWOLNATION’s Sail; she’s got Adderall, a computer, and a hair tie. She goes on an Ezra stalking binge and ends up forgetting to sleep, or study for her test. She texts glasses dude for an Adderall hookup and he says “naw girl,” so Spencer corners Skeletor for a pill hookup.
Ezra invites Aria to a weekend at his cabin, and like the good pedo he is he encourages Aria to ditch out on her baby-sitting duties of Mike. The odds of Mike throwing a party for two with Mona this weekend are at a solid 1:3 now.
Never Back Down dude is hitting on Hanna relentlessly. He senses an easy target. The cops are still searching for Cece and he once again drops some cop knowledge on Hanna. Hanna asks Aria to help her throw an intervention for OCD Spencer, Aria say no, she has to get laid this weekend.
Spencer looks cracked out as Ezra confronts her about some light plagiarism. Not surprising that Spencer got caught cheating, she uses Google and Facebook as her research tools. She blows off Hanna and Emily as she searches for Ezra’s address.
Aria goes to visit hipster guidance counsel dude to talk about all that rage she has pent up inside towards herself. She sprints out the door as hipster counselor asks her a question about why her friends would disapprove of her boyfriend. This guy kinda looks like Judge Reinhold. A few moments later hipster Judge walks in on Ezra peeping at Spencer’s file as if he wasn’t allowed to. Julia takes this as evidence that Ezra is not A. “If he (Ezra) were A, he would have done this already.”
Shauna asks Emily for help in retrieving some poster from Alison’s room. Emily finds a bunch of money and a piece of paper with some email addresses hidden in the back of a framed poster.
At the love shack Ezra tricks Aria into going on a two hour round trip drive to pick up chickpeas for some stew he’s making. As soon as she’s gone he rolls up the carpet and heads down to the basement! Finally somebody opened up that hatch in the cabin! And what’s down there? A crazy computer setup, a giant picture of Alison and some pictures that somebody emailed him of Emily leaving Alison’s mom’s place with the envelope of money. There are no severed heads or weapons visible.
Shauna hops in her car to go retrieve the money from Emily while Hanna gets into Spencer’s bedroom to figure out what she’s been up to. Hanna finds all Spencer’s research on Ezra and figures out that Spencer has gone to Ezra’s apartment. Hanna arrives just in time but Spencer spies one of Ezra’s creepy cameras and decides not to go in.
Meanwhile Aria wakes up to an empty and creepy cabin. Ezra scares the crap out of her as he silently approaches her from behind, like a leopard or submarine. He made it back from some late night stalking of Spencer and Hanna just in time to BS Aria.
Emily and Hanna do not fully buy into Spencer’s theory that Ezra is A. Emily brings the girls up to speed about her money run for Shauna but Shauna never showed up. Cut to Alison in her phone booth calling Shauna who is knocked out in the front seat of her car. When she gets her bearings she sees a sign written in blood telling her to bounce from Rosewood. Alison is running out of money, but has just enough for a bus ticket out of town.
The episode ends with a hooded figure in black stacking up a fresh set of prescription pads with Wren’s name on them. I don’t remember who Wren is but I’m pretty sure that Spencer is going to get roofied by A… so there’s that. Once again I ask, is there any evidence that A and Board Shorts are the same person? Ezra is clearly Board Shorts but is he A? Next week’s black and white episode looks like it’s going to require a strong buzz, so who knows if I’ll be any less confused.