The previous episode of Pretty Little Liars was a pure setup episode. Not much happened, besides Alison nearly being killed and Bethany being revealed as a big Spiderman fan. Oh and I guess A really is back and still loves to text. This show has more closeups of cell phone screens than all other shows in the history of television combined.
This week episode starts with Emily and her mom walking through school. SWIM MOM (I’m assuming this is her vanity license plate) wants to invite Alison over for dinner. For some reason this sketches out all of the liars. Alison and Emily end up alone or so they think… Anne Hathaway emerges from a stall, apparently having sat there silently for 10+ minutes. That’s not suspicious or anything.
Aria has started volunteering at Radley and Eddie, who kinda looks and sounds like a long lost Wayans brother, can’t place how he recognizes her. By the end of this episode he’ll probably have figured it out and ask her what the heck Aria thinks she’s doing at Radley. Filler drama. Aria’s first job? Being a TA in an art class for the crazies. Works out though because she’s already on to Bethany’s former roommate, who kinda looks like Tasty from Orange is the New Black.
Caleb is like 37 but still in high school apparently. He’s just there hangin out reading a Swamp Thing comic. He tries to convince Hanna to “break up” with Alison. Hanna is like “nah bruh, divorce hurts people”. Caleb and Alison both have to take a test to move on with their high school careers so they end up alone in a room together. Caleb does not like Alison at all.
The Hastings have a really nice house, don’t sell you weirdos! Melissa and Spencer have an awkward pointless conversation and then argument about who should throw out the garbage from the barn. Looks like Melissa might be the person supplying Mona with dead rats.
Hanna freaks out on Caleb. Caleb pops a beer to celebrate having dropped out of highschool. Very close to renaming Caleb to EmoCaleb. Meanwhile Spencer drops by Ezra’s to help him move his stuff, she borrows one of his cameras so she can fulfill her destiny of becoming TumblrFamous. He helps her set the camera up in her barn to catch Melissa killing rats? Spencer and Ezra bond over family drama.
Rhonda, Bethany’s roomie, is crazy. She sneaks up on Aria and very strangely caresses the back of Aria’s head. Rhonda thinks Aria stole the Venom drawing out of her book, but no that was Eddie, Rhonda. Aria bails on Emily’s mom’s dinner to keep snooping/creeping. She sneaks into Rhonda’s room and then has to scramble to hide under the bed when Rhonda comes back. But of course, there miraculously happens to be exactly what Aria was looking for hidden on the bottom of the mattress.
Emily’s mom’s dinner is going off whatever the opposite of swimmingly is… sinkingly? Alison and Hanna argue about Caleb. Alison thinks Hanna isn’t smart enough and too in love with Caleb to see what he’s capable of. Hanna defends her ex man but Alison orders her to stop seeing him. Hanna longingly strokes a bottle of vodka as Alison walks away.
Hanna is drunk and angry at Ali at Emily’s mama’s dinner. Alison lays on the bullshit reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally thick and Hanna is obviously irritated. Emily grabs Alison’s hand in fake solidarity to comfort Alison over her fake trauma. Hanna chokes on some vodka.
Instead of saving Hanna at Emily’s Mom’s dinner, Aria heads right to Spencer’s with a whole stack of drawings that she found under Rhonda’s bed. Bethany was a pretty good artist and she reeeeeeeeally did not like Mrs. D. Oh and she also may have seen EmoToby’s mom fall or get pushed off the roof. Sweet.
Drunk Hanna heads to the Brew and ends up hanging out with Anne Hathaway. They chat awkwardly for what feels like 7 hours, then Caleb shows up and Hanna gets all mushy and kisses him. So much Caleb this episode, he’s just so sad his spinoff got crushed in the ratings by Reign.
Ezra’s camera, now employed by Spencer, picks up Alison sneaking across Spencer’s driveway. Why do any of these girls still trust Alison? She’s annoying and a POS. Spencer sends an S.O.S. text to all the Liars who head to Spencer’s house. Hanna, still wasted shows up late, but just as A sends Emily, Aria, and Spencer a text about Hanna’s big mouth. The episode closes with A steaming open an engagement letter for Ella and Zack…who the fuck are Ella and Zack?
Love, Dan
