It is 97 degrees in our apartment. Perfect temperature to sit and sweat and watch Pretty Little Liars. I have one hope for this episode – please can Hanna be drunk the whole time?
The episode opens with the Liars singing in a choir together. Whoever is running this choir has no idea what they’re doing because clearly Spencer is a bass with that raspy smoker’s voice. Hanna isn’t singing because she’s obviously sober and also distracted by Roma Maffia interrogating Alison just outside the class room they’re singing in. Roma got hella Shana questions. A leaves Alison a nice little note on her sheet music. Sheeeeeeeeit. I’m very mature.
EmoToby enjoys Bethany’s drawings the way he enjoys everything else. Palm to face + sullen expression. EmoToby has applied to the Harrisburg Police Academy. Spencer is not happy and thinks he’s selling himself short. Yeah ET (EmoToby) stop squandering your potential as backup dancer for 98 Degrees’ reunion tour. Meanwhile, ABC Family is really hammering home the “drinking is EVIL” theme this episode, we’re 10 minutes in and we’ve had 3-4 drunk-Hanna jokes from other people.
Eddie Lamb quit Radley so Aria sorta now has unfettered access to the asylum. Rhonda doesn’t like people messing with her shit though and gets in Aria’s face. She blackmails Aria into getting some cheesy puffs and root beer. Generic brand though. BOOOO. Apparently Mrs. D took Bethany to the circus and bought her gifts. Um including a horse. Super weird. Just as Rhonda is about to spill the beans Nurse Ratched walks in.
Alison games Hanna’s mom into staying at Hanna’s house for a few days. Hanna is pissed and starts pounding Wild Turkey 101 from her pimp chalice. Ok I made most of that up. Hanna is pissed though. Particularly after her mom tells Alison to go relax and take a bath with a big ass jar of bath salts. Hanna has been eyeing those hallucinogenic bath salts for weeks! Hanna goes and gets wasted with Caleb. They chug cheap whiskey and talk about going on a road trip to Asia. Drunk Hanna walks to the Brew, which is closed, and longingly presses her face against the glass. The Brew’s owner creeps on her reeeeeeeeeeeally awkwardly. Oh this dude is dating Aria’s mom according to Julia. Classy dude.
Hanna shows up to school late, in last night’s clothes and with a Rice Krispie treat stuck in her hair. She’s upset about Zach hitting on her and Alison jackin her house. Spencer and Emily question the source since Hanna is a drunken crazy person. Excellent friendship. Later that night creepy Zach hops in Hanna’s car talking about vibes and blah blah. He gives her his number and touches her hand. Gross. Hanna goes to Aria’s to tell her about Zach being sketchy. Aria accuses Hanna of being out of control and probably trying to seduce Zach. Haha yeah ABC Family, anti-drinking for sure. How quaint.
Alison is laying it on thick with Hanna’s mom, basically manipulating the shit out of this very nice naive woman. The storm hits and Hanna’s mom decides to take Alison out to dinner. While Alison is getting ready Ashley hears something odd downstairs. She goes to investigate and first finds a kitchen window and then the front door open. Lightning flashes as a shadowy figure’s silhouette is creepily revealed. Ashley and Alison call the cops as the figure runs out the back door. Roma Maffia questions whether the ladies saw a man or a woman. Basically she doesn’t believe anything that Alison says.
Back at home ET swings by Spencer’s and complains about her manure smell. She freaks out about almost being kicked to death by a horse and tells him about finding Melissa’s initials carved into a horse stall at a farm that Mrs. D and Bethany used to go to. ET takes the horse attack as more evidence that he needs to become a cop.
Alison is psycho. She apparently had Noel Kahn break into Hanna’s house to scare Ashley to make her seem like less of a liar. Hanna is going to absolutely hate Alison for this. Goodie I guess. But hey Hanna was drunk for a lot of this episode! Let’s root for more drinking next episode, though this is getting too similar to Spencer and her pill popping.