The name of this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars brings to mind the X-Men and Dark Phoenix. There is regular Phoenix, a curious but all-powerful spirit inhabiting the body of an innocent and naive Jean Grey. And then there is Dark Phoenix, who disintegrates people with her mind and is basically insane. And we all know there is only one way to stop Dark Phoenix, and presumably Dark Ali who obviously would have the same powers; Hugh Jackman. Dear Hugh Jackman, please join the cast of Pretty Little Liars! The showrunners would probably even let you sing (we know you love that!) – all you have to do is go snitck!
Who the F is this dude who is lying about kidnapping Alison? Apparently his name is Cyrus Petrillo. This show has the best names. Roma Maffia doesn’t fully buy this guy’s confession but I guess things are looking up for Alison. Her dad asks her if this Cyrus dude is the guy who kidnapped her, Alison, with tears in her eyes, says “I don’t know.” She explains to the Liars that if the cops set Cyrus free, he’ll lead them right to A and they can finally figure out who A is.
Hanna describes herself and her friends as big and fat. Um weird. The girls decide that Emily needs to convince Alison to not be vague with the cops, and tell them right away that Cyrus isn’t the guy. Cyrus has hella knowledge of Alison’s fake kidnapping though with all the same bull.
Spencer goes home to hide the pics and recording Emily stole from Noel and finds that her secret hiding place is no secret to A. A calls Spencer and mocks her by playing the tape that was hidden there already – Alison’s recording of her BS testimony she wanted the girls to memorize. A sends a text – “Check Mate.” Meanwhile, Hanna is angry that A and Ali have hijacked her life and prevented her from pursuing her dream of singing lead in the chorus at school. She expresses this anger by throwing out all of the food in Caleb’s house.
Gestapo style is making a comeback in Rosewood, er ok maybe just with Spencer. She tries to round up the gang to come watch the surveillance footage of her garage to try and figure out who stole the recording of Alison. Hanna and Caleb are jogging awkwardly when Spencer rolls up with her weird little tie. They decline an invite to watch the tape, so Spencer is stuck with just Aria. They watch Melissa hand something (the tape presumably) to a guy in a hat. It’s true that everything Cyrus needed to corroborate Alison’s story was on that tape. Hmmm. Spencer proposes they all come clean, admit to the truth, including turn in Alison.
Alison knows Cyrus for real, he’s the guy who gave her that weird scar on her thigh. Cyrus apparently robbed Alison and looked at her like she “was nothing”. Good story Alison. But apparently a good enough one to convince Emily to not side with Spencer’s plan to turn on Ali. Emily thinks Melissa is the problem and Spencer is too blinded by sisterly love.
Mona is also trying out for lead chorus girl. As Hanna and a few other girls are waiting for their chance to audition Mona annoyingly warms up by belting out some loud soul music. As the girls are called in to sing, Mona faints. Hanna rifles through Mona’s purse and finds Cyrus’s mugshot. Later that night Hanna hops into Mona’s car as she spies on Roma Maffia. Mona is decked out with a police scanner and a computer that hacks people’s bluetooth connections. Exciting! She’s there to potentially follow Cyrus when he’s set free.
Roma Maffia takes Alison and her dad to where he supposedly held her captive, which also happens to be where Alison was robbed by Cyrus. Flashback time! Cyrus and Alison were an item, or so she thought until she woke up to find him stealing her stuff. He slashes her thigh and escapes with an as-yet-unknown chick. Roma Maffia takes Ali remembering the basement to mean she has corroborated Cyrus’s confession. Looks like Cyrus is not going free as Mona hoped. Emily is so disappointed in Alison that she breaks up with her.
Turns out it was Alison who paid Cyrus to confess. He had already been released from the station before Roma Maffia’s call to hold him came through. They insinuate having a past romantic relationship, maybe even a criminal partnership. Ali gives him a plane ticket and promises him that she will destroy him if he surfaces again.
The episode ends with Melissa beginning a confessional video recording for Spencer. She wants to come clean after some earlier sisterly strife/bonding. This seems foreboding… We then see A folding a large stack of black hoodies and a candy striper dress. I think Melissa is the mystery person who dies during the mid-season finale.
Love,
Dan
