The last episode of the first half of Pretty Little Liar’s 5th season promises a death! I’ve been open with my desire to see Alison go down the tubes for real, but I know this show doesn’t give the people what they want. So who else might die? Odds:
Melissa 4:1 – The favorite if only because there doesn’t seem to be anywhere else for her character to go
Paige: 10:1 – This person exists on this show for some reason, even though none of us care about the Emily Paige storyline. Hmmm
Mr. Hastings: 15:1 – He’s been away for a few episodes but the standout weirdo of the first half of this season might just pop a rat poison instead of a Viagra
EmoCaleb: 70:1 – ABC Family has been reminding us every week that EmoCaleb had his own spinoff for a season that may or may not be merging with PLL, no way he dies until that happens
Alison: 150:1 – They won’t kill off this crazyass midway through a season that is building her up as the big-bad. No way! She’s going to be around at least another 10 episodes
Somebody other than the people I just went through and the Liars: 1:3 – This is basically an admission that I have no idea where this show is going.
The episode opens on Thanksgiving with sirens blaring and 3 of the liars standing in the street looking distraught. The girls are outside a house I don’t recognize – it is not one of theirs… HMMM. Aria’s wonders whether anyone could survive losing that much blood. Yeah somebody got got, and Spencer is not here. Where is she? Are the girls bawling because Spencer is dead? No way dude. A sends a text, “it’s all your fault”.
36 hours earlier we see Alison getting strapped into a chair for a polygraph test. The cops ask her about the night she disappeared, the night Bethany was accidentally killed by Melissa. The night it all started. The night is dark and full of terrors. The night the hedge animals came alive and chased Jack Torrance through the maze.
Roll credits and flash to Mona reading on her bed listening to French music. Uh oh. Mona gonna die. The liars visit Mona to ask for her help to find out what Alison told the popo. Ah foreshadowing – Mona asks, “why the long faces? did somebody die?” She agrees to help them.
The next day Mona meets the girls in the bathroom, duh the only place anybody meets during daylight in Rosewood. I disapprove of bathroom talk. Mona lays out her theory as to what Alison is up to. The Liars stopped playing Alison’s game and now Alison is punishing them. They were the perfect challenge for a sociopath like Alison. Spencer is smart, Emily is loyal, Hanna is admiring, and Aria is the emo one, err compassionate. Somebody wants to minor in psych at Yale next year.
Everyone is prepping for the holidays. Ezra is baking pumpkin pies and is nervous about spending Thanksgiving with Aria’s extended family. Um yeah I’d be nervous too. I like Ezra, very likable but the dude is a high school teacher who banged at least one of his students during either their junior year. Many families would not be supportive of that type of behavior and likely put boot to hipster ass. Meanwhile Emily turns out to not really care about Thanksgiving. But she is insane about Christmas and has indentured Paige, Hanna, Caleb, and Aria to help her decorate the outside of her house. Emily is cracked out for baby Jesus.
Mona’s got the scoop with all that fancy computer hacking and awkward eye fluttering. The Liars gather round to watch her interrogation. The questions don’t really say much. Caleb shows up with a hard on for Mona’s hacking software. He’s got a copy of an affidavit that names Spencer as Bethany’s killer. But why would Spencer kill Bethany to impress Alison? Obviously Alison knew Bethany and the girls decide to go to Radley to find the link.
Mona and Spencer put on old school nurse Ratched outfits and break into Radley with the help of computer wiz Caleb and Hanna. Hanna’s code word for “go” is “code go”. Ugh. To occupy Alison/A the girls ask Emily to seduce her. Or something. Basically Emily and Alison have an awkward talk that ends with Alison somehow getting her hands on Emily’s phone and figuring out what’s up. Emily asks Alison point blank of she is A. No response.
Back at Radley, Sean Ferris shows up and harasses Aria. He’s like, “yo um, what are you doing working here?” Per usual he never backs down and makes Aria feel uncomfortable. Mona and Spencer find some interview tapes with Bethany. Turns out that Mrs. D and Bethany’s daddy were makin whoopie on the sidey side. Mona seems satisfied but I’m not really sure how this explains why Alison wanted Bethany dead. They bounce from Radley with the tapes in a hurry, Spencer is late for EmoToby’s police academy 4 graduation. She calls EmoToby just as he gets in a car accident with sound effects by Michael Winslow
It is Thanksgiving morning and Spencer gets arrested. EmoToby looks on from his wheelchair, leg in a full cast. The liars are outraged even though they knew this was about to happen. Silly.
Yep Mona is definitely the murder victim. Her house is the house we saw in the opening scene. And we are spending way too much time with Mona. Her mom is off to go donate some food, leaving Mona alone in the house. A long blond haired, hooded figure stalks Mona from her driveway. Mona calls Aria and explains her full theory about why Alison wanted Bethany dead, which basically boils down to jealousy. The blond breaks into Mona’s house, Mona freaks. Cut.
There is blood and glass everywhere at Mona’s place. We hear Hanna scream. Cut again to cops and EMTs scrambling. We’re back to the beginning of the episode. Sean Ferris explains to the media that despite not finding body, there was enough blood throughout the house to indicate fatal injuries to the victim. Later that night A pops the trunk of his/her car and we see Mona’s corpse. Creepy. Hmmm I think I will miss Mona a bit, she definitely was one of the weirdest characters on this show and brought a bit of fun to all the crying, lying, and murdering. Speaking of which, quick theory, based almost on nothing besides Alison’s lack of fitness. This show is consistently making references to Hitchcock movies, and as there is no realistic way that Alison could carry Mona’s body to her car, I’m still thinking that A is a dude. A crazzzzzzzy dude, in a wig, like Norman Bates in psycho. Thoughts?
Love,
Dan
